


Now I know

by roseey



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, angst with happy ending, buttercups and sunflower, lee jihoon is bad at feelings, mentions of park chanyeol, non detailed story, soonyoung is sunshine, you cry when you are falling in love after hanahaki surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 09:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseey/pseuds/roseey
Summary: 'Just remove it' He said, turning to the side, so he won't have to look at his mother's heart broken expression.





	Now I know

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_'Jihoon, honey, please listen to me, okay?' He heard his mother say, voice dripping with desperation._

_He smiled at her._

_A sad smile._

_'Honey, you don't want this, okay, you wouldn't want to live with no feelings. I'm sure, whom-' Mrs.Lee's breath hitched. '-whomever that person maybe, we can talk some sense into him, he wouldn't know what he misses until he sees you, trust me'_

_Jihoon shook his head, lying on the hospital bed, with oxygen hoses poking his nostrils._

_He smiled, despite that._

_It wasn't a difficult feat, after having to go through-well, everything._

_'Just remove it' He said, turning to the side, so he won't have to look at his mother's heart broken expression._

_When he closed his eyes, tears ran past through the junction of his nose and he had to bite his lips to muffle his sobbing sound. Because, that will be the last he would ever have to cry over someone who never looked at him with affection._

_It was Park Chanyeol_

_And he didn't want to remember him._

 

 

Three years later, everything has been relatively okay. 

He ate. 

He slept

He walked

He even danced

He sang

He read

He smiled

But then he remembered, that he can't feel for someone, - anyone for that matter. 

The sun rose and settled, he met new people everyday, he saw his friends dreaming of meeting their one. 

And he had nothing special to do. 

Jihoon died a virgin even while living. 

It's the same for him, everyday. 

 

 

 

Kwon Soonyoung-they called him. 

Dance major, resident sunshine, on his feet almost all the time, bouncy black hair, and cute smile. 

He had everyone wrapped around his finger. 

But Jihoon, quite turned out to be an exception, and that made Soonyoung to walk in fiery ambition of making Jihoon his best-est best friend. 

'Jihoon-ah, want to go get ice cream with me sometime, there's this small vendor who makes shaved ice with strawberry syrup toppings, it's so delish!'

Jihoon kept walking, making Soonyoung trail after him like a puppy. 

'Uh-huh, maybe next month, I have assignments due next week' 

Soonyoung followed him, even after hearing the indirect decline of his invitation. Jihoon doesn't know why he's doing that, but a part of him says he's plain annoying. 

'Ayeee! You are lying, Jihoonie! No worries though! I'm just a phone call away when you plan on to get that ice cream, see you later, Ji!' 

Jihoon stares at his feet emptily, after Soonyoung leaves his back. 

He's fucking tempted to live as a rock that lying on the ground. 

Jihoon's sure he's as one, with no feelings for someone special warming his chest.

 

 

Surprisingly, Soonyoung's everywhere Jihoon goes. 

At the park, playing with children.

At the restaurant, chatting with the old waiter. 

At his class room, he passes by the corridor with headphones pressed to his ear bud, and nodding his head to the rhythm of the song. 

At the street, he's with Seokmin doing small dances and cackling at one thing-or something that only they both will understand. 

At library, reading a folklore and sketch the Korean woman in hanbok, from the book. 

In the end, he decides to break it to him. 

'Are you perhaps following me everywhere around, because if so, it isn't cool' 

Soonyoung looks at him deeply, before smiling at him. 

'Are you happy?' 

_What?_

Soonyoung caught on to him, with the confusion seeping out from his face. 'Are you happy? With me around you?' 

He never felt anything particular when Soonyoung is around him. 

But that doesn't mean that he was amused with the idea of seeing the hurt look on Soonyoung's face. 

'Sure' Jihoon said. 

They both walked side by side, funny how they end up that way, most of the times. 

The smile Soonyoung let out in reply was no match for the sun. 

 

 

 

'Soonyoung' 

The said boy turned to look at him, sweat dripping down his face. 

He was fresh out from dance practice and Jihoon has been waiting for him in the corridor. 

'Jihoonie' 

Jihoon's eyes waver at that. 

'So...where's this ice cream shop you were saying?' 

Instead of replying, Soonyoung tugged his arm and ran to the street side shop, earning looks from the others. 

 

 

 

 

When Soonyoung talks about the small buttercups that are available in the nearby flower shop, Jihoon fidgets. 

Too bad, they are seated on a park bench, and so he could not hide his face in the favour of looking further ahead. 

'They are cute and soft you know, I want to decorate my house full of it,it's so yellow and vibrant, just like  _you!'_

Jihoon swore he passed out for a second. 

'Why...?'

It was more of a whimper. 

Soonyoung looked at him warily, but he chose not to comment on his distraught face, by the looks of it. 

'Because you are warm, colourful, positive, relief from all the dark shades and you smell like happiness, don't get me wierd, but yeah....I really think of you like that' 

Funny because he used to puke the same flowers. 

'Awesome' 

Jihoon said in a dry voice. 

 

 

 

One day, he started crying at the sight of Soonyoung, making the elder worry. 

Soonyoung was wordlessly wiping his tears, concern decorated in his face amidst his brows. 

Tears stream down like it had no plans of stopping anytime soon. 

He  _wasn't_  sobbing, No, he wasn't sobbing.

His mouth was pressed to thin line and he wanted to smile....?

'Jihoonie...' Soonyoung looked at him, like he was seeing a mad man dancing in the road and that was enough for Jihoon to shove him away on the empty asphalt, his sneakers making noise as he ran in the direction of his home. 

He was crying but a grin was evident on his lips. 

 

 

 

 

 

'Am I going crazy?' He asked himself, lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling.

When no one replied, he asked himself,  _again._

'Am I going crazy?' 

A small beep distracted him. 

_**Soonyoung** _

_**Jihoonie! are you alright?** _

He closed the texting app, without replying. 

'I'm okay' He confirms to himself, pressing his face to the pillow. 

 

 

 

 

He didn't attend his classes for three days. 

When he receives a bouquet of buttercups delivered to him, he drops it on the floor on impulse. 

It lies there until evening, his mother picking it up with frown- however she chose not to ask anything, like always. 

It's not sitting in the kitchen Island and Jihoon glances at it, more often than not.

He feels his eyes welling up with tears and the urge to laugh his guts out. 

 

 

 

 

'You are feeling for him' Jeonghan says, when Jihoon speaks his mind to him. 

He's just pretty, next to the flowers and since he finds the latter  _disgusting_ , he's grown fond over the former. 

'No chance, remember, I lost my feelings' 

'Maybe you have not' Jeonghan said, tossing the vegetables in the pan, showing off his cooking skills. 

'Please, I never felt that heart pounding, anxiety building in tummy kind of feeling since....I..well, with Park, but now...no chance' 

Jeonghan slightly chuckled at that. 

'Keep telling that to yourself, Jihoon.....that's not going to change the fact, the truth, well- whatever you want to name it' 

Jihoon shrugged. 'Stupidity, perhaps?' 

The pretty boy threw a broccoli on his face. 

 

 

 

It happens quickly. 

Like he saw that happen, but his form was frozen, mind replaying the even so as to remind himself, that he did not just imagine it. 

Soonyoung's throwing up flowers- Sunflower. 

The crowd gathered around him is watching with hushed whispers and shocked gasps. 

Who could have possibly not returned Kwon sunshine Soonyoung's feelings?

Jihoon stares at him from afar, all the while watching Seokmin helping out the boy. 

The blank feeling, the voidness lurched and stilled, making it difficult for him to breathe.

He felt nauseous all of a sudden, but then chided himself for his foolishness. 

He can't throw up petals anymore. 

But why did he want to, all of a sudden?

 

 

 

Jihoon didn't ask anyone about what happened to Soonyoung, nor did he ask about the other's love interest. 

He wanted to cry....

He wanted to scream...

He wanted to hit himself.....

But that's not happening.

Because the sadness is accumulating in his chest, making it difficult for him to relax. 

It's fucking heavy that he lies on his stomach and sings aloud- a song he never knew. 

When he closed his eyes, he dreamt of himself standing in the middle of sunflower field.

 

 

 

Soonyoung, apparently got operated. 

He became a _null,_ just like him.

He didn't know what to say, when he sees the boy in the campus after seven weeks. 

He still looks like his old self, though. 

'Soonyoung' Jihoon says. 

The other's looking at him, as though he's dead inside and Jihoon understands it, a little more than he should. 

However, on the other hand, Jihoon feels the heaviness on his chest lifting oh so lightly. 

On an impulse, he moves forward and cup the squishy cheeks of the other, feeling the softness of it in his tender palms. 

Soonyoung's breath hitches and then, just like that, small tear drops make contact with Jihoon's hands and a  _big big_  grin breaks out on the other's face. 

Jihoon finally feels like it's a summer day. 

The sky is clear, and so is his heart. 

'It's you, you know....' Soonyoung says. 

Jihoon stares blank at him, before he finds his his tear ducts betraying him and his cheeks ache with an urge to smile. 

At that sight, Soonyoung grins and cries even more, leaning forward to land a wet kiss on Jihoon's lips. 

'Now, I know' Jihoon said. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
